One in Three Women
- My mother has three daughters.
- I live with two other women, making three in our household.
- My heterosexual boyfriend has had three sexual partners.
In all these cases, I am the one in three. I am the statistic – I had an abortion.
One in three – with odds like that, you don’t expect taboo. You don’t expect lies, shame and moral outrage. One in three women. I’ll say it again, until the message gets through. One. In every three.
Think of the groups of three that you know. Three sisters, three friends, three generations. Now I’m not saying that in each sample you would find the one in three that I am, not at all. But that’s how common we’re talking. One woman, in every three. How many women do you know? Do the maths, think it over. How many women do the statistics say have had an abortion, out of the people you know? And how many would ever, ever talk about it?
Being against abortion pits you against one third of the female population. Is it any surprise, then, that the pro-life movement is seen as inherently misogynistic? I can believe that some naively, but genuinely, think that they are doing good – but not most. Most are actively seeking to remove rights from one in three women, to punish that one in every three for her sexual freedom, for her ambitions, hopes and dreams, and for her choice.
And they get away with it. They get away with it again, and again, and again. They say that God is on their side, they say that all human decency is on their side. What they don’t tell you is that one in three women are not on their side – more, really, but at a bare minimum the one in three who made that choice for whatever reason, some easily and some after great internal or external struggles. They get away with it because we stay silent, because we let them dress us up in shame and guilt. Because talking about your abortion just isn’t done.
I’m in the UK, things are better here, but that doesn’t mean that Stupak-Pitts doesn’t scare me. I’m scared for the women I know in America, I’m scared that this bullshit will cross the Atlantic and fuck with my rights, and the rights of my friends. But more than that, I’m angry. I’m goddamn furious. That a group of people (mostly men, I notice) get to vote on the rights of women to choose whether or not to go through a dangerous and painful nine months (followed by the even more dangerous and painful experience of childbirth) in order to create a child they do not want and cannot care for. That a group of strangers get the right to choose for us whether or not we get to continue with our lives, or have our whole world turned upside down by a piece of random chance.
I’m pissed, and I’m not staying silent. I was recently 19 when I had an abortion. If I had not I would have ruined my body, my relationship and my career. If I hadn’t had the abortion? I’d have given birth this week. I’d be an (almost certainly) single mother, with no job prospects. I would be homeless, I would have absolutely nothing. Here in UK, the National Health Service paid for my abortion. It cost me nothing at all. Because of that, I have everything I have ever wanted. I will soon move into a flat with my boyfriend, I have a wonderful job and great friends. I also have a fantastic body, not gonna lie. The only thing I don’t have? Guilt. That I do not have and do not want. The pro-life fucktards can keep it, can rot in it for all I care. Perhaps if we stop caring what they think, if women who are not ashamed and will not live in regret begin to feel able to talk about abortion honestly and openly, we can shut them down once and for all.
7 comments
I love this. I love that you are concerned for us women here in the states. I find it disturbing that women in this country are okay with just rolling over and giving our rights to old men to decide on. I am very pro abortion. If you don’t want the child, you shouldn’t be FORCED to live with it. That’s why child abuse and neglect cases in this country are so prevalent. That’s why welfare mothers just keep poppin’ em out. Because we are told as women that we are sick and morally wrong if we seek an abortion. We are told that we should have to pay thousands of dollars to fix our “mistake”. We are told that we are bad people when we can’t care for our children we were forced to keep. And the whole adoption thing isn’t as good of an option as it sounds. Adoption rates in America are horrendous compared to Europe. A baby born into the state adoption system has a 50/50 shot at finding a loving home. The rest are lucky to get stuck with a foster family that doesn’t abuse them. Why then are you encouraging young women to carry their babies to term and set them up for adoption? It’s a great lie perpetuated by pro-lifers to guilt women into keeping their pregnancy. Tell them adoption is the only humane option, but conveniently leave out the part about how American’s don’t adopt as much anymore. Or about the glaring problems with the foster system. Don’t get me wrong, I am very pro adoption. I decided from a very young age that I never want to carry my own children, I would rather adopt them. But I believe it is wrong to scare a young teenage girl into keeping her UNWANTED pregnancy by lying to her face about the stats on adoption. And the most unbelievable part? These same people who claim adoption is the best option over abortion are the ones who fought so hard to try and take away the rights of gay’s to adopt kids. Once again lying claiming kids are somehow “damaged” by same sex parents to serve their own purpose. I wish more then anything that my country would grow the fuck up.
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Don’t forget about their aversion to birth control. The pro-life crowd is worse than you’re saying, they’re trying to deny a fundamental aspect of human existence, our sexuality.
Also, I think that this is very relevant. The pro-life crowd is filled with hypocrites.
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I was debating on mentioning something on the stupeck amendment post. I am surprised you are the only person I know who has had an abortion considering the number of women in my extended Family (my sister,1 aunt on my dad’s side, 8 Aunts on my mum’s side and fuck knows how many cousins.)
On the above comment I would like someone in a Place which doesn’t allow gay adoption to go up to abortion protestors and ask them that directly.
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[...] The unprotected statistic. [...]
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@Spriter Ah, you only THINK that. There’s an enormous taboo associated with admitting to abortion.
Also, kind of following Vene’s link — there’s a fair number of women out there that talk the line of misogynistic religious crazy that have an abortion when push comes to shove. In Ohio and in Michigan, I have seen women cross the picket line several days after coming out to assault women seeking abortion and reproductive health care. I feel torn by this; pregnancy shouldn’t be punishment but I feel as if perhaps these women who fight to hard against their rights should be upheld to the standard that they’ve set for themselves. If you’re going to take away my right, then maybe you shouldn’t get to exercise your own.
That’s a rather hate-filled thought, and perhaps one that leads to an abyss I’d rather not explore.
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@Michelle I will Clarify I did mean know as in know of the existence. Considering the other things I know about my Family (suicide, surviving twins, Organised Crime Connections, Mining Disasters.) which have only been mentioned once I just think it hasn’t come up at all.
My older sister was Also put up for Adoption so I think there is a possibility that the large family peer-pressure could be an influence as well.
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[...] uncomfortable about it. Some of us may never avail ourselves of an abortion procedure (although 1 in 3 probably will). Some of us view abortion as a black-and-white issue where you’re either for women’s [...]
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